There is only so much.

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity;
in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry,
both of having abundance and suffering need.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
–Philippians 4:1

As senior year approaches, I’ve been smashed back into this world where future jobs are discussed and boys are giving diamond rings to precious Godly girls like they’re going to run out of stock (of girls, not rings. we all know “diamonds are forever”.). Lately, change has been the focus. Countless are the hours that have been spent in conversation with the ones I love about the twists and turns that we’d have never expected two years or even two months before. And that’s how life is. In some way. Somehow. That’s life. It’s often praying for exactly what we want, but somehow accepting what comes, because what else is there to do but accept a situation that, in all reality, we have no control over anyway.

And the truth comes only in seeking the Lord. And the rest comes only in seeking the Lord. And the peace comes only in seeking the Lord.Trusting that no matter what will come, He alone is enough. And I’m beginning to understand that I’ve wasted so many years of my life striving for what I wanted most, coming to realize only after I got whatever “it” was that “it” wasn’t enough. That there’s something in the striving that I long for. It’s something in the working towards a goal that I need. There’s something in the running so hard that you fall into bed exhausted, dirty, but content with the work you have done at the end of the day that entices every part of my being.

And sometimes God’s calling is to get physically dirty. But sometime He calls to deal with the nitty gritty. To ask real questions and seek real answers. To not hold back because of fear or timidity, but to speak with boldness that comes only from Him. To love loudly. To be proud of the two trees nailed together on that hill 2,000 years ago. To realize that the most worthwhile of all jobs is not particularly the one that makes seven figures and allows me to live in a pretty brick house in a comfortable, safe neighborhood with 2.5 soccer-playing, A-making kids, and black Tahoe with heated seats, but it’s the one that you hear Him whisper in your ear each day that you are called to do. And maybe if you’re not hearing that whisper, it’s not because He’s not talking. Maybe it’s because you’re not listening.

And I pray hard almost continuously that God will use me. And I pray even harder that He will give me a specific purpose. And I question and seek and wonder. But in the quiet still moments when I finally sit down long enough to hear His voice, instead of running up His heavenly cellphone bill with my own prayers of desires, it’s in those moments that I hear Him say that there is only so much He has asked me to do. That I’m not here to save the world. That He has already saved it. And my job on this planet is to tell people about Him. To make much of the man that died on the cross so that my prideful heart could let go of everything that holds me in this world and run closer to His Kingdom each day. And whether I end up doing that in a quaint counseling office in Ocean Springs, Mississippi or a children’s home in a tiny little village halfway across the world or somewhere in between, it will be right. And I’m learning to be content, wherever I am.


One thought on “There is only so much.

  1. Halle I am so impressed with how much you have grown in so many ways. God bless you in whatever He calls you to do. Love you much. Anne Hawkins

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